There’s a strange, unexplainable heaviness within me — like a weed lump stuck in my throat, refusing to let go. It’s as if my eyes have a mind of their own, drooping and filling with tears at the slightest touch of emotion, out of nowhere, with no warning. I find myself on the verge of breaking down, overwhelmed by this constant ache that swells inside me, making me want to cry uncontrollably. It’s a feeling that grabs me tight, refusing to let go.
It’s anxiety, they say. But no words, no explanation seems to capture the depth of this discomfort that stirs within my chest. My breath feels trapped, as if the air I try to pull in is never enough. Breathing, something so natural, now feels like a struggle — a constant battle against the unease in my body. I feel hunger clawing at me, but when I sit to eat, the food feels foreign, like my body has given up trying to find comfort in it. I barely take a few bites before feeling full, like my stomach is too tangled with emotions to make space for nourishment.
The pain in my head has become a companion, dull and constant, lingering like a shadow that refuses to leave. Sometimes it feels sharp, but mostly it’s just there — an unwelcome reminder that something is wrong, but I don’t know what. There’s this knot deep inside my stomach, twisting and turning, never loosening, always keeping me on edge. It’s the kind of feeling that leaves you restless, but no amount of moving can shake it away.
My hands tremble without reason, and it’s as though my feet and palms have a life of their own. Strange sensations crawl under my skin, making me feel like I’m not entirely in control of my body. The shivers creep in, and they leave me feeling fragile, like I’m about to shatter into a million pieces. And then my heart… it races, not out of excitement or joy, but out of sheer unease. I can feel it drumming in my chest, a rhythm that’s slightly off-beat, reminding me that something isn’t quite right.
It’s as if my body is trying to tell me something — screaming, really — but I can’t understand what. I just feel everything, all at once, with no escape from it. The emotional weight piles on, growing heavier each day, until I feel like I’m suffocating under the pressure. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to breathe deeply without feeling the tightness in my chest, but it’s all just too much.
I don’t know how to explain it to anyone without feeling like I’m unraveling, without feeling like I’m burdening those around me. So, I carry it in silence, hoping that maybe one day, this storm inside will quiet down. Maybe one day, I’ll be able to breathe freely again, without this constant ache, without this overwhelming sense of fear and sadness.
Until then, I wait, hoping for the calm after the storm.
Until next time,
MB.
